Black Love & Inspiration for Saved Singles
Relationship with God

4 ways to handle the initial feelings of rejection

It feels like a rushing wave, a sudden drop in the pit of your stomach. It almost feels like everything that surrounded you in warmth was just removed and now you’re open, naked, and vulnerable. These are some of the initial feelings of rejection.

I’ve recently had to face a rejection for a writing opportunity. On every other day I feel like Simone Biles out here, blogging my lil’ heart out, improving on my technique and turnaround time. All glory to God of course. Then there are moments when I don’t get a win, a gold medal if you will, and I’m faced with a big “NO” for something I wanted…

The funny thing about rejection (the spirit) is that it can make you question literally everything about yourself, your gifts, your purpose from one no. It brings up lies that tell you that you’re not good enough and never will be, that something is wrong with you or how you do things, with what you look like, sound, move, live. Rejection wants you to believe that nothing will get better for you and it exaggerates every little thing in that moment to make you feel less than.

Rejection also compels you to want to be spiteful and prove yourself, to show that you are good enough, but only in counterproductive ways. For instance I remember as guy that I was interested in kinda mock me for being a “good girl,” that my demeanor was not enough for his slight “bad boy,” advanced demeanor. And what did my younger self attempt to do? In that rejection I said I could handle it, that I wasn’t all what he thought I was, when in reality I was denying my essence and my personal standards. He could see it in me, but I couldn’t because I wanted to be wanted, to prove myself.

Side Note: Listen you don’t have to chase anyone or prove yourself to “win” anyone’s affections. Some people in the world can see rejection on you and use mental and verbal jabbing to get you. That’s not how any man should approach or talk to a woman and vice versa; please do us all a favor and GROW UP because manipulation is control and control is not real love. If you have to control someone or a relationship to make it happen, what does that really say about you?

Back to the discussion at hand. I’ve been on a personal theme for this year around “shifting your perspective.” We can sit and shout in church about how “rejection is God’s protection,” yes that is true and that’s a blessing when you finally realize that point. But in the first moments of rejection you may not have that perspective come to mind immediately. Rejection sucks and men and women face it every day. When you choose to shift your perspective, you choose to take your ego, emotions and self out of the equation and let God step in. Seriously, back it up and let God take over that moment.

When you take yourself out of the center of the moment, you can see the bigger picture there. So what that one person said no to you or doesn’t want you? Step back and see that God created billions of people in this world including those who would be happy to meet you, date you, love you, befriend you, work with you, hire you, for who you are.

You have options! And when it doesn’t seem like you do, God, our Father who specializes in the impossible, can create something out of nothing and send someone out of nowhere! But you can’t see that if you’re stuck on the first two sentences of this blog.

After that choice to take yourself out of the center of the rejection, take your raw and real emotions to God. There’s no need to hide your feelings or suppress them, for He knows anyway. The point is to cast your anxieties on the Lord for He cares for you. He lovingly and carefully made the very cells and systems in your physical being that are affected by depression, unforgiveness and bitterness that can come from rejection. You owe it to yourself at least to relieve your temple of that drama so that His Spirit can dwell in you freely.

Some of it may take some time and work, such as in my case from years of personal experiences and what I believe is generational as well. I don’t want my future kids to deal with this, so it’s going to end here.

Lastly, as Christians we will need to get used to getting rejected more often. These are truly the last days and Jesus said that we would be rejected and persecuted because of Him. Your life and your belief in the Lord and belief that Jesus Christ is the only way to the Father will be questioned and mocked, ignored and misunderstood. Let’s not forget that Jesus too has been rejected and gets rejected in this day. Stand firm and be prayed up because the Lord is on your side and He has overcome the world (John 16:32-33).

So the next guaranteed time that rejection comes your way to chip away at your self worth and esteem take a stand and reject it. Be encouraged!

Join the discussion

  1. Tiffani

    This was a good read. I have been dealing with rejection for sometime now and this is what I needed.

  2. Tia

    I don’t have the words right now… but thank you.

  3. KC

    Amen! It’s about time I find an article that expresses exactly how I feel. I don’t know how I found this but I’ll be sure to continue following your work. This was also my first time hearing the phase: rejection is God’a protection. I will remember this phase during those dark moments. Thank you

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