Jesse Williams and the representation of Black Love vs the reality

Jesse, baby, what is you doin?

It seems like these celebrity divorce announcements are quite as common and often seen in the media as marriages. I don’t know the details of the inside of their marriage, but I want to address how this looks. From a Black Love standpoint it’s another casualty in public figures who’s relationships are falling apart.

We’ve seen several recently, and outside of spiritual beliefs, it’s the image of Black Love here:

• T.I. and Tiny
• Carmelo and Lala Anthony
• Mary J. Blige and Kendu Isaacs
• And now Jesse Williams and Aryn Drake-Lee

But despite how we may overlook certain things, roll our eyes and just dismiss it as typical celebrity behavior, one thing we need to understand is that this case is particularly different for a few reasons.

Jesse Williams has become known for standing up for Black culture, Black history and Black truth. The pinnacle of that stance was made in a speech that he gave at last year’s BET Awards. One of the moments that was recognized and captured our attention was his love and appreciation for the Black woman:

“Now, this is also in particular for the black women in particular who have spent their lifetimes dedicated to nurturing everyone before themselves. We can and will do better for you.” –Jesse Williams

This was stated in a time that our sistahs were not getting enough love and representation, and to say it among rappers and artists who demean us in their works, it was refreshing to hear.

What he said about Black women meant a lot because not only is Jesse Williams biracial (his mother is Swedish) he was married to a Black woman, Aryn Drake-Lee. So when we heard this it confirmed in our hearts that not only was Jesse fine, but he was smart and he was for the cause. Finally, a celebrity in our generation stepping up and not being dismissive about the issues plaguing our society, speaking on topics from injustice towards Black men to the mobilizing the Black community to economic empowerment.

When it comes to his personal life, that’s where the lines get crossed and that’s what brings us to our topic today.

I with many others on Black Twitter were waiting with bated breath and popcorn as the news broke about their divorce and what it looks like for him to move on. As many predicted, we were pretty disappointed at the rumors that he is allegedly stepping out with another woman who is not Black.

Divorce is bad enough, the fact that #BlackLove is losing another example in the public space is sad. But for him to reportedly be with a non Black woman is a disappointment, almost as bad as the Shea Moisture controversy that’s currently going on in the natural hair world. It kind of chips away at any kind of “credibility” that Jesse had in the eyes of Black women and perhaps men for the last few years.

Why this man’s personal life such a big deal to the many people who have come to admire him for what he stood for outside of his personal life? It matters because representation is everything. Just like with the representation in the Shea Moisture controversy, we as the Black community need to see examples of Black Love not only surviving but thriving through the odds. Resilience is in Black culture and in Black love; we cannot function without that resilience to persevere despite what’s going on.

We can’t assume that the integrity that a person shows in one area of their lives is the same in other areas of their lives.

To note, we can’t always associate what people do for the public with what they do in private. We’ve seen this time and time again with men and women across the board. We don’t know how either Jesse or Aryn were in their marriage. Our community/media highlighted them as a standout couple because their representation looked beautiful and solid. To see two intelligent, successful and attractive Black people out here winning? Why not acknowledge that and give them props.

Unfortunately, it’s a reminder that we can’t get swept away with labeling people’s lives with #RelationshipGoals. We’ve done this since The Cosby Show, but we have to recognize the difference between the representation and the reality of relationships. Good representation follows through with the reality through consistent actions. Jesse is not obligated to be with a Black woman to be pro-Black, we’re just weary of the narrative turning out that way (at least in how it’s portrayed in the media).

I feel bad for all parties involved honestly; divorce is something I definitely do not like and neither does God, but its Jesse’s life and we have to respect that. My prayer is that he doesn’t stop addressing the issues that many Black public figures neglect to confront regarding racism and injustice.

So what are your thoughts on this situation?