Photo source: Wendy Williams Show
I was pleased to realize that I have something in common with an NFL player and Dancing With the Stars Champion. Yes, Rashad Jennings, former player for the NY Giants shared on an interview with TV talk show host Wendy Williams that he is “super single.”
“Oh word? Yeah that’s interesting…”
The fact that I followed him on Instagram this week has absolutely nothing to do with why I’m writing this post. What matters are the expectations and value that get projected on single men and women. Is there a double standard that exists? I’ll explain.
Jennings, 32, defined super single as this:
- No girlfriend
- No wife
- No kids
- And “currently no one’s heart to break”
Check, check and cheeeeeck. He is attractive, successful and giving. On top of all that, he’s a guy so he gets certain perks and grace that single women don’t get. You noticed that after his super single status was revealed, he was cheered on by the talk show host as “having the time of his life.”
On the other end, I too am a super single. I don’t have a man, a husband (yet), kids or even a pet of my own. I’m single and living as such on purpose until it’s time not to be. When I reveal my super single status to other people, it’s met with an “okay…,” “don’t you want to get married?” or “are you going out more?” something that’s not as chipper as Jennings’ reception. Well call me Lawry’s, because I’m salty.
All jokes aside, it seems that men are encouraged to be single and enjoy this season, despite their age and eligibility, more so than women. It’s as if we can’t be great and single past a certain age and want that for our lives for a little while. This has similarly happened with movie star Michael B. (B is for Bae to many) Jordan. He explained that he plans on being single til he’s ready and we had to sit back and be like well dang Michael, do you then.
“I’m okay with taking the time to enjoy life. That doesn’t mean that I won’t date, just that when it’s really time for me to settle down I’ll be able to come to the table complete, and that my partner will be able to do the same.” Source: XO Necole
I think there’s a lot of truth to that, however I would hope by now we’d be treating women with the same grace and regard. Women like Sanaa Lathan, Michelle Williams, Regina Hall. Plenty of exceptional women who are single and doing them. Are they celebrated? Somewhat, but it’s not as respected as when a man takes a stand in his singleness.
The reality is that we can’t and we are not the same as men, and men are not the same as women. We have different factors at play when it comes to being an ideal candidate for dating, courtship and marriage. Biology, female to male ratio, socioeconomics, emotional maturity, are all factors. Then there’s also the “age = ready” stigma that just has to stahp.
Just because someone is over 30 doesn’t mean they are ready for the assignment of marriage. Just because someone is single now doesn’t mean they want to get married or stay single for the rest of their lives.
We can’t, as much as we want to and actually do, force these timelines on people or force them to date because they have great attributes. That’s a big factor as to why I published my book Journey to 30 for women. I’m telling you now that I’m not perfect, but I’m not trying to waste my time. Perhaps that’s Jennings’ mindset. Perhaps he’s not trying to date so he can focus on other things right now including his career since he stated that he’s a free agent (just come on to the Bears, Rashad).
So what are your thoughts? Do single men and women who choose to be single get treated the same or differently?