I’m a couple of days late, so you most likely have seen or heard what Ciara shared on social media, a video clip of Pastor John Gray preaching to single ladies on getting out of the “spirit of girlfriend” in order to be found as a wife.
I saw the posts and I was in agreement. You know why? Because I heard it before she posted it. From men and women. This ain’t new! And if that is something you’ve heard before, consider that her message is for someone else who is not where you are in your single season.
If you passed certain tests or overcame specific obstacles, you have lessons to learn and share, that’s a part of life and actually what Titus 2 says married women should be doing. Perhaps Ciara is not a professional marriage coach, but she’s married and has a testimony, and if you choose to listen, get what you need from the message.
If anything, she should be sharing her story so people who are where she was can see what steps they can take to get to where they want to be. Isn’t that how mentoring works in other circumstances? She relates to someone out here online, which is why I don’t understand why some BW are bothered by this. We get upset if a man tells us how to be a wife, and we get mad when a woman tells us how to be a wife (by this example); so how are you going to learn if that’s what you want to be?
Whatever you want in life is going to require a process, sacrifice and dying to your self.
Questions to consider:
- How do you take correction?
- How do you take criticism?
- Are you threatened by change?
- Do you know what’s really required of in marriage?
- Who has taught you to be a wife?
- Are you content in your singleness in this season?
Bonus: how would you handle these questions asked by men? Some (not all) of us ladies have unresolved issues with men that vary in complexity. There are root issues there that we will need to talk about regarding how we view ourselves and marriage.
“To level up takes the ability to listen to multiple sources. One trigger was that the information was coming from a Black man. Look for the truth in the message, not the messenger.” –Simone56
“What about the men?”
I’m all here for holding men accountable. This site is for men as well as women, and my goals this year involving BLISS include providing resources for men to #LevelUp in life and love too. Because we are seeing a high number of women who are waiting and qualified for marriage, but the available men don’t seem to show in the same numbers.
The truth is…
We all have choices. We also have to be responsible for those choices. It can be sensitive for many of us, but we have to stop being defensive about the call to change if that applies to us. If you’re “doing the right things” in God’s sight, trust Him to provide for you and don’t lose sight of that. You actually should have more peace than other single women who aren’t waiting on God because your focus is not on why you’re not married. If you’re content in Christ alone then it’s harder to be offended by statements that discuss marriage and singleness.
Weren’t we all in agreement about leveling up in life about 3 weeks ago as the new year started?
It’s time to level up in all areas of life; Lord knows I’m ready. God has been teaching me about holding my tongue and speaking up (two different things!) and being patient in the process. He’s doing in me exactly what I’ve been praying for, just His way. I don’t know what that will look like for you, but trust and believe that God desires more for you as much as you want more, just take the step to go for it.
Shout out to my fellow writer Nikeya Young for sharing her thoughts on this topic this week: Ciara tells the truth and the internet explodes