“How are you when you’re angry?”
I get asked this more than you’d think, like someone is genuinely waiting for me to crack. Funny enough, I don’t think about what they’d do if they were angry. But I’ve been told I’m usually smiley and happy-looking, and pair that with a soft voice and calm presence? To some people, that makes me a unicorn. To others, it reads as fake. And honestly? That can hurt sometimes.
I’m human and experience all the emotions, and have for a long time kept negative feelings to myself because it doesn’t benefit to take those feelings out on others. If I’m keeping it real, I also don’t want to get told off for having an attitude for taking my feelings out on others, so I rather self-regulate and take my frustrations to God. So yes, I get angry, but it’s not my default expression when something bothers me, and that’s another post for another day. Today’s post is about whimsy, and this revived conversation about it on social media, especially amongst Black women and girls who can relate to it.
By definition, whimsy is a playful, fanciful, or quaint, often unpredictable, manner of thinking, acting, or creating. It can be a mix of lightheartedness and absurdity to bring charm or joy. Whimsical people tend to be also labeled as quirky, child-like, capricious, and impulsive.
By this formal definition, I have a lil bit of whimsy, but there’s another definition of whimsy being discussed online called Black Girl Whimsy, or Bubbly Black Girl. Part of its definition is being happy-go-lucky, quirky, optimistic, joyful, and other positive characteristics. There are too many lines of thought to repost in this blog, but it’s worth checking out this Threads post from Latasha DeStouet.
Within the thread are hundreds of replies and thousands of “likes” in agreement that it was at time difficult growing up or there was some bullying they experienced for simply being them. Now I will say that everyone has experienced bullying or being othered for something. As a mentor of youth and teacher, I see it all the time. It’s basically how kids haphazardly navigate socialization. While it’s common for people to experience bullying, we don’t have common practices to respond to the hurt. For Black girls and women who would be considered bubbly, joyful, whimsical, it tends to come off like she’s not Black enough because she’s effortlessly in a positive mood or state.
The world is hard enough on Black women, but to have something to smile about anyway? Oh, that’s weird. For those who have a natural dose of optimism flowing through them, we indeed do have bad, sad, and depressed days, but our default emotion is always joy.
I personally feel connected to this conversation because I can relate to the attributes. Out of the Living Single characters, I’m Synclaire 95% of the way and 5% Regine. I was voted Biggest Bookworm and Prom Queen in high school. I enjoy arts and crafts. I grew up in the suburbs. I love being in nature, breaking into song around the people I’m most comfortable with, and I’ve gotten the unsolicited “you talk white” comment from my own people more times than I can count. I was and still am a mix of joyful, awkward, intelligent, graceful, goofy, sarcastic, creative, innovative, naive, wise, anxious, faithful, and grateful.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14 NIV
Like any other type or person out there, I am complex. It can be exhausting when you are not received as yourself, but instead questioned, othered, and misunderstood for simply being who you are. Unfortunately, adults can resort to childish bullying instead of tapping into the childlike love they once had. I remember my bestie got hated on at work because she was “too happy.” I got my quiet, calm demeanor misunderstood for arrogance and standoffishness, when I was just happy to be somewhere. Whatever discomfort people have around you for just existing is not always something they take to God, they end up taking it out on you. This is even more layered as a Black woman and even as a woman of faith. But if I could say a message to my younger self who didn’t understand, and the others who feel this way now is:
“People are always gonna talk about you; be yourself regardless and if anything, turn it up a notch. You don’t benefit anyone by dimming your light. And this is not a recommendation to be arrogant, but be confident as who God created you to be. You living as yourself unapologetically is more than just for you, it’s a billboard to others that it’s possible to live outside the limitations of others’ ideas of how a Black girl or woman should be.”
There’s something worth sitting with here. The same qualities that made some of us feel othered (the joy, the openness, the wide-eyed curiosity), are actually qualities scripture holds in high regard.
I’ve been reading the book of Matthew lately, and I was reminded of what Jesus said to His disciples about children. Even though they were not regarded highly in the sight of the disciples, Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 18:3). This childlike behavior is noted by humility, trust, and forgiveness. As adults, we get hardened by life and forget those important spiritual attributes, as well as the natural attributes of being childlike, like having curiosity, openness, and joy. While joy is a fruit of the Spirit, the Father doesn’t play about children at all, just keep reading Matthew 18.
Life is hard enough, we may as well have something personal that reminds us to be more open-minded to other ways to live as a Black person and find what brings that sense of happiness in us that brightens our countenance for all to see. When we are grieving or having moments of sadness and frustration, we can remember Psalms 126:5 which says, “They who sow in tears shall reap with joyful singing.” Here’s more inspiration for finding joy in this life as you build your relationship with God.
Your joy is not too much. It never was.
