Shout out to the men that are making it their business to tell the whole world how they feel about women—especially Black women (insert eye roll). This social media post went viral of a man who graduated from law school and he wanted to share with the women and haters that he has now ascended to the elusive group of men that women aspire to partner with:
You know what his last line reminded me of?
Listen, I don’t have to drag this man, the Internet and Black Twitter took that on for me. He got the attention he ordered, along with the respective dragging. I wanted to bring up a few points that his viral post showed me:
Prizes vs. Gifts
I’m personally not coming for that young man for sharing what he said, because he’s not the only man or Black man who feels this way. He’s using statistics to suggest that women should have to compete for his partnership, especially Black women, who desire to have a “successful Black man” as a partner. That just reeks of pride and selfishness, aka not husband material, period.
If a man or woman is a prize, that implies that we have to “earn” them; that they are an award for good behavior or we have to do works (in their eyes) to get them. But the Bible says that spouses are a gift (i.e. some versions of Proverbs 19:14 say gift), and marriage is referred to as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7).
Someone brought up in response to his message that he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). God’s word is calling for a humble heart in a man in order to recognize and receive a godly wife. A godly wife comes with bonuses—favor from God, peace of mind, a partner in life. A godly husband is a gift to a wife in how he treats her. There is a mutual submission and honor in their respective roles in the relationship, therefore neither should feel superior to the other because of their accolades, their title, or their outward success. This is a reminder that as decorated as someone can be on the outside, they are still human on the inside, and that’s the part you as a future spouse will have to live with, so choose wisely.
As much as church culture, society, or even this blog at some points may have suggested, you can’t earn your way to a spouse. It’s a gift and assignment from Father God in His divine will and timing.
Black male loyalty
I’ve learned that men and women stick to their respective sides in the ongoing battle of the sexes on the Internet. What I’ve learned over the past year is that many Black men set their priorities on: man first, Blackness second. These particular men aspire to compete for power with the alpha males in their respective cultures, and race takes a backseat to that in terms of priority or loyalty. While these upwardly mobile brothers are running the success race with white men, Asian men, Latino men, etc, they aspire for those top spots with those men, and in the process find partners in those communities at times for the appearance of success that they are aiming for.
What that means is that to some of our own men in the Black community, Black women are not good enough to match what they consider to be successful. To these Black men, Black women are a reminder of poverty and the past that they are not trying to go back to, not matter how accomplished in life Black women are. That is a hard and honest truth that goes without being said; it’s just shown to us in how some men choose their partners and in cases like today, shared with us on social media.
Here’s the thing—Black women in the U.S. are slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that a lot of these brothers are behaving entitled as if we are supposed to battle to the death for their attention and benefits from their basic achievements in adulthood. This treatment is not benefitting Black women at all, so we are starting to open up to other options outside of the limited marriageable pool of Black men. As much as Black women believe in Black Love, we’ve been fed misinformation about men of other cultures that have stagnated us from receiving love outside of our own. This is one of those moments when I throw in a line about preferences, but a partner that aligns with our purpose, not our aesthetic, is the move. This covers race, complexion, age, economic status as well.
How we can be just like him
You can see right through this boastful display that he gives and nearly see the pride and ego that he is protecting. Anyone who is a prize doesn’t have to boast so much in that, they just are a decent human being and acts accordingly. This sense of entitlement is not just a male thing or a Black male thing—it’s a heart thing.
God doesn’t owe any of us a spouse, our qualities and accomplishments don’t mean that we are supposed to have one, nor do people have to compete for us. That was not in the terms and conditions when we signed up for this Christian life. It’s a heart check to make sure that we’re not belittling other people to make ourselves look good as this man put down Black women to boost his own image up. It reflected poorly on the culture and it makes him look foolish.
We too must be careful to develop inward success as we achieve outward successes. As much as this young man has accomplished (graduating from law school is no small feat), he still has a way to go in his emotional intelligence and humility to be a romantic partner someone would want to be with in the long run.
**Bonus point: Much respect to the Black men out here who are actually helping their communities at large by being a source of help to other Black men through mentoring, ministry and providing job opportunities. You are not overlooked and we appreciate your efforts!
He’s going to end up with a Becky anyway. Let them have him. Disgusting and sad. I will not allow the thoughts of one black man or many black men and their opinions of black women discourage me from my hopes of my own Black Love. I believe as a people we need to not only hold one another accountable but also fight for one another. One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch. There’s still hope.
Thanks Clementine for sharing! Amen, there is still hope!
Black women have been telling / boasting to black men for years how independent they are, how they don’t need a man to take care of them and how they are queens / the prize and deserve to be treated like one, and that the black men should step up their game. They even boasted about it in their songs. Here one black man steps up and boasts about it and you black women tear him down? Who tears you black women down for your boasting? Why do you black women keep tearing your black men apart? Every other race’s women and men praise their men for their successes. Black women in general do not respect black men! Absolutely disgraceful!
Brother Matthew, if you have only viewed this one blog post, then your comment is without context. On BLISSforSingles.com, we acknowledge what men and women need to consider/correct in their respective lives in order to have successful relationships. We aspire to make this a safe place for believers to share their thoughts. If you would like to see Black women being held accountable in a constructive way, continue to rock with us and look at other blogs in our archives. If not, and you want to continue to post antiquated rhetoric, take that someone else–respectfully.
There is a whole huge population who either don’t have access to internet, or, who don’t bother to even come to these blogs, leave alone writing comments here, or writing another such blog. But again, it’s what is written on these blogs, that gets read again and again on the internet (and then that becomes the ‘new truth’ for everyone). There is actually no need for dating coaches or, dating in the first place. Check the world statistics. Arranged marriages have always resulted in better, stronger and more successful relationships, that almost always lasted a life time. Such couples have themselves told about their great relationships and how they look down upon the relationships in the western world. And again, in that case, no one really needs to waste their time, and people can be way more productive and focused.
The part you left out is the white people that forced us into independence and became jealous of us when we were stay at home Moms Matthew. They even went so far as to create a whole government initiative to destroy us with welfare. I am sure with you knowing all that. The world indeed knows it can’t rely on the Black American race to actually genetically win anything. Han Chinese are running the world from race loyalty and highest population in the world including males. Since African American men can’t genetically get it together you’re literally committing genetic genocide by whiting yourself out.
Wow
“Whiting yourself out” is genetically impossible for an African American male.
LOL…. WHITE SEEK ME OUT. I DON’T FEEL AS IF I NEEEEED A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BLACK MAN ATTTT ALLLL. 😂😂😂😂
HIGH VALUE WHITE MEN TREAT ME LIKE A LITTLE PRINCESS AND DON’T TREAT ME LIKE S*** SO I LIKE THINGS JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.
I’M SO HAPPY MY MOM PUT ME IN PRIVATE SCHOOL SO I CAN SIT AMONGST OTHER CULTURES OTHER THAN BLACK PEOPLE.
I DON’T LIVE IN THE BOX HE’S TRYING TO PUT ALL BLACK WOMEN IN BY SAYING THAT ALL WE WANT IS “BLACK LOVE” FROM A “BLACK MAN.” LIKE AS IF THERE ISN’T ANY OTHER GOOD OPTIONS.
*WHITE MEN
Well if we are being historical, families used to break their necks to find the man for their daughter that would lift them out of poverty, and even rich falimiles would give a dowry to marry their daughter.. the man has always been the prize until the internet came and egos started rewriting history with no context.. their has never been a time where the affluent man wasn’t compnsidered the prize.. the father used to give men land, jobs and money just to marry their daughter.. I think y’all need a history check really bad, instead of thinking with feelings, ego, and emotion
Glad I came to this site and seen this post. I think this article did well in explaining that both sexes have ones that believe they are the prize when in reality they ought to be the gifts. The ones that are inherently good and ones that others wait patiently for and appreciate. If they are meant for us then the hard work must be internal not external.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, great job! There’s balance between giving a nod and holler by saying “hey i see you boy…you go boyyy” and cowtowing. in worship to a Black man. The latter 100 percent is UNGodly for sure.. Men’s excellence shouldn’t be contigent on if they get “likes on facebook”
Marriage is a Gift for sure. We can’t forget tho to celebrate the successes in the community and at large because not only does it uplift the individual, it sends a message to others that they can do the same thing. We have to be honest tho that Black Men can potentially face a unique set of obstacles and micro/macroaggressions just to be in that professional space given the history of racism and all the other “isms”. Giving a holler every now and then don’t hurt no body. HOWEVER…I am a believer in making this the STANDARD, not the exception to the rule…but until we get there, it takes all of us to encourage one another and not put each other down…male or female.
BTW , this gentleman was telling on himself and for sure needs his ego checked and emotional maturity in going to the lengths he did to express an opinion. Probably doesn’t know any better….booksmart and not headsmart as the grandfolks dem say.
I had an experience with an older black man who thought he was the prize. Btw, He was a convicted felon who sold drugs all his life. He felt as women we had to “earn him” and show him “loyalty” while he did who and whatever he pleased. He was very damaged and swore up and down he was such a good guy. He constantly brought up his “status” and not having to settle (with me) which as of today I’m still trying to figure out what this status pertained of besides in our small town. Whenever he told me he was in love with me I cringed. He was too selfish too. It’s like he thought he was doing me a favor. Sure he would finically help out but it definitely came with a price. After him and all the pain I went through for 3 years, I decided to open up my options to other groups of men. I genuinely want to be a wife (I’m 25) and love my man and know deep in my heart, I don’t have to question his love for me. With black men, it’s very hard to get that genuine love from one
Thank you for sharing, Destiny and I’m sorry you went through that. We want to believe there’s hope to finding a quality Black partner, but also be open to your options that God may be bringing your way. Stay encouraged and focused.