The older I get, the more I see certain amended expectations placed on people in my age group. For the folks over 30, some are finding it hard to date someone who doesn’t have children. I don’t know about all that, because I personally know a lot of great singles over 30 without children–but I digress.
The Unspoken Expectations Placed on Singles Over 30
I remember being a teen seeing pregnant classmates, and I wanted a different outcome for my life. Like many millennials, I was basically scared straight about teen pregnancy, to the point that many joke now that they don’t have kids because they are “scared to.” In light of that, there seems to be an unspoken expectation for single people over 30 who don’t have children is to 1) have children after marriage, 2) not become a stepparent, and 3) definitely, under no circumstances, ever, become a baby mama or baby daddy (not including divorced singles).
That unspoken rule came out loud and clear when Shaniece Hairston, daughter of reality TV personality Evelyn Lozada, sat on a comfy couch to have an uncomfortable conversation about her baby that she had with rap artist, The Game.
When Expectations Meet Reality in Real Time
Shaniece, 32, had no children prior to connecting with Jayceon “The Game” Taylor, age 46. Hate it or love it, The Game has had a reputation and a pattern that was hard to ignore. However, Shaniece shared in the podcast chat with her son’s father and her mother that she wasn’t aware that Jayceon had a felony record, among other things. Legal issues aside, Jayceon is not a first-time dad; he has three other children, two of which are young adults.
One of the most reshared moments from their podcast conversation was Jayceon’s initial “intentions” with Shaniece, where he said, “When a man sees a baddie, we think like ‘I’m gonna get her pregnant'” to which she said, “So you gamed me?” Jayceon replied, “Hey, I’m just saying…”
I’m not sure what Shaniece’s intentions were in her relationship with Jayceon, but she seemed to expect more from him than what she got. Many people can get caught up in that situation when they don’t look at the signs or red flags someone is coming with. Major age gap aside, his pattern in relationships or number of kids is enough to take a pause before moving forward. But perhaps Shaniece thought differently. This is not to bash or judge any of them, but to bring up real-time examples of not thinking you won’t ever get gamed, and to honor your boundaries.
Why Dating Over 30 Still Requires Discernment
It’s so easy to say that from your perspective, where you are, how it would be easy for you to not even entertain someone like that, but you’re never too old to fall for something.
I recently talked with high school girls at my church about boundaries with boys and we brought up a few points to help them, and older people, too, protect themselves from getting their boundaries crossed or taken advantage of, including:
“Look at their patterns. We are not called to judge a person by their appearance, but judge by their fruit.”
Honestly, no one, and I mean no one, is above the program in this life. Everyone at some point has either been gamed or will be. And it doesn’t always have to be in the love department, but the games played in love are often the ones that can alter our destiny.
My prayer is that Shaneice and anyone else who is in that situation learns from the consequences of their actions and make different choices moving forward. There is always hope for you to make a better choice for your life. Don’t let anyone’s expectations keep you bound to a situation that’s no longer serving you or your God-given purpose.
