This week before Father’s Day had me thinking about what kind of father I would want my future children to have. When I see guys I consider the characteristics that I would want them to model for their kids, my kids, our kids. “Not just anyone is qualified to be ____’s daddy,” I’d think with my kids’ names in mind and that statement is what I believe. You really have to not settle for less on this.
I am not expecting a perfect man, but a man who steps up and takes being a parent seriously. I want for him to be interested in building a legacy as we build a family, not repeating broken patterns from our pasts or from what we tend to see in society nowadays.
Ladies, we have a choice in who we allow to be our spouse and child’s father (outside of certain circumstances of course). This is a great reason to be patient in your single and dating seasons because you want to really get to know what you need in a partner and what God’s will is for the man as it pertains to being a husband and father.
Consider what kind of man you’d want to father your children, whether you have some already or want some in the future. Even if you don’t want children, consider a man who has a heart to be a good role model for the next generation because fatherhood is not limited to just biology.
Whether you had your biological father in your life or not, understand that this man whom you choose is different in his own ways. It’s important for us to not put the sins of past people on the ones we love. If you have pain in your heart regarding father figures in your life, please seek healing and help so that you can be free from that pain.
**Single men, consider your role models, fathers and father figures that you look up to and even those who weren’t there. Have you thought about what kind of dad you’d want to be? What values would you want to instill in the next generation of people carrying your name?
“Fathers are the safe space for daughters to run to and she shares your worldview with the outside world. In an absent father system, where does she get that from?” -Dr. Toyin Hines
In your dating and courting process why not ask about their ideas for the future and what family looks like to them? If you meet a really nice guy who doesn’t want kids, consider if this worth that level of compromise. If you want children and he doesn’t are you willing to honor that request in marriage or do you think he will change his mind? Just as we all don’t want to be mothers not all men want to be fathers. Please spare yourself the pain and have that conversation early so you know what you’re getting into.
I’m willing to wait for the right man who will be mature and family oriented. Family and quality time is important to me, so I should consider a mate who either wants the same thing or makes the effort to honor that. I don’t want to be the only one raising our children; I want him to be involved and engaged in our children’s lives because they need him too and I need him to share in this assignment of developing world changers!
One of the biggest questions that you can ask yourself in your dating and courting process is does this man have a legacy mindset? Is he only thinking about the short term goals and satisfactions or does he want to leave an inheritance for his children? I don’t want my children to inherit poverty or a poverty mindset. I want them to be able to obtain and sustain wealth through generations, not being pushed to make money but to be the lender and not the borrower. Your choice in a mate helps lay the foundation for the generations after you. It sounds like pressure, but God is on our side, trust Him and discern properly.
So the guy you have interest in or currently with has a lot of great qualities. Consider what characteristics that he has that make him the kind of father you’d want for your children, too.
What are you looking for when it comes to father qualities in a spouse?