At first I really wasn’t interested in talking about the KeKe Wyatt divorce situation or the rumor surrounding her potential marriage dissolution with her husband. But after looking into their story this week, the following question came to mind: why do we always—if not more than often—assume the husband or man is to blame for a failing marriage?
In this particular situation KeKe took it to social media first, sharing that her husband of seven years wanted a divorce. We see this happen all the time unfortunately, but what makes KeKe’s case stand out?
- Well for starters she is 8 months pregnant. This is their 9th child for the couple in their blended family.
- Secondly, they have a child who is currently battling cancer and that alone would be stressful for any family.
Those were two key facts stated in her video that would be more than enough to garner pity, prayers and a social media “dragging” of her husband, which she actually called for in the now removed clip.
“That’s NOT LOVE!!! And y’all wonder why I’m always stuck in a shell or have a wall up…” –KeKe Wyatt
Not too long after that, KeKe’s husband Michael Jamar Ford spoke to a blogger about his side of the story as follows:
“I can no longer allow our children to live in a toxic environment and, because I love Keke, I can no longer accept toxic behavior,” he said. “A home should be a refuge of peace from the inequity and harshness of the world. Keke is much stronger than she gives herself credit for and she is a great mother. There is a healing that needs to take place and I have faith that it will happen.” SOURCE
Like many I was ready to take KeKe’s side because she seemed like another woman done wrong. There were even rumors of him cheating, which is a common reason for divorce or break up. But she said he told her that she was being an emotional wreck and doesn’t trust him. As you can see in his statement above, he is trying to frame this and himself in the most respectable light possible.
Those who are familiar with their relationship saw them fight for their marriage on reality TV, not the ideal place to restore a marriage, but they tried it anyway. There are clips of KeKe being irate and disrespectful towards Michael. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and it doesn’t get watered down in severity because a woman does it. The Bible makes it clear that a husband would not want to stick around a wife like that:
“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Proverbs 21:9
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 25:24
So if the wife is the source of the issues, then why does the man get the blame first when a relationship goes left?
Perhaps we assume that all women know how to operate in healthy relationships and bring health to their relationships. Perhaps we assume that because women love the idea of weddings and marriage so much that they couldn’t possibly be the ones to ruin them. Perhaps we assume still that men are heartless creatures who only think of themselves and their gratification.
Perhaps we consider that men don’t have breaking points, even when they have given their best in the relationship.
Upon hearing his side too, I realized that the narrative we get regarding relationships, and yes even in Black Love relationships, is that the woman is 9.9/10 never wrong or to be blamed. It’s always the man’s fault…Ok.
Do you know how damaging that mindset really is to love? It’s the combination of victim mentality, unaddressed trauma, and self sabotage. If left untreated, the person (woman or man) carrying this baggage will inflict it on the next person in their relationship. Many signs lead to residue from KeKe’s previous marriage which was physically abusive, almost taking her life. She married Michael shortly after divorcing her abusive ex.
This is a prime example of why healing needs to take place before we get into committed relationships. If you need healing from your past, get it. If you need deliverance, seek it. You’re not less of a woman/man if you admit to the role you played in your relationship because there are two people in relationships. We both play a part in the start and in the end. From the outside looking in, we have to pray more than take any sides.
My prayers go out to KeKe, Michael and their family during this time for healing and possible reconciliation. No matter what the current circumstances are, divorces are in no way easy to go through.
We have to take responsibility for ourselves and for how we love ourselves because the results of that impact others. As far as how this is often portrayed in media, is gets deeper than where this blog will go today, but my people, we need to really examine ourselves before taking our issues to everywhere but God.