As February comes to a close, we are wrapping up our Black Love Role Models series with this couple who have been married the longest–24 years! Meet Dauren and Joan Francis, who together minister to singles and married couples through their platform After We Say I Do. The mission of the site is to “empower and help build successful marriages and relationships God’s way.” They shared practical and sound advice for singles and those who desire to get married. Without further delay, meet Dauren and Joan:
BLISS: You both married at a young age, what advice would you share with couples who desire to marry, does age matter?
Dauren: Yes, we got married when I was 23, and my wife was 22 year of age at the time. We were young and did not know a lot about married life. We a learned a lot about marriage while we were married. I would recommend those who are dating or courting seriously to get good advice from those who are building a successful marriage before getting married.
The best time to prepare for marriage is while you are still single. You will never be ready for what you did not prepare for.
Does age matter? Well, age does play a significant role in a relationship. There are a lot of variables when we talk about age and relationship. Age does not always show up with maturity and maturity does not always show up with age. When it comes to love, age does not matter much to some people. When we talk about marriage, I do think it is something to consider seriously it also depends on what their expectations are in the relationship.
BLISS: How do you adjust to your partner’s changes as you both grow in over the years/seasons?
D&J: We often counsel couples and singles and tell them that the person they date is different from they marry or will get married to. Change is the only constant thing in life. My wife and I always use this phrase: “As The World Turns So Are The Days Of Our Lives.” This is so true when it comes to marriages. We have been married for 24 years. We have gone through changes in our marriage, bodies, health, family, and careers. Marriage is about making adjustment as you go along. We are older than we were when we got married we are much more mature and different in a lot of ways. Putting God first and knowing who we are as individuals and as a couple helps us to understand the season our marriage is in.
BLISS: What is one misconception that singles need to let go of before they get married?
D&J: Most singles think marriage is going to make them happy. Marriage was not the design to make you happy, it was the designed to make God happy.
Marriage is for happy people. Happy with who you are, happy with your relationship with God, and happy with the things you have accomplished for yourself.
Most of what singles are expecting of marriage was not designed to give them. If you are a broken person with low self-image and self-esteem issues when you get married, you are still a broken person with low self-image and low self-esteem that did not change after marriage. You can become a better person in the marriage, but it will take more work because now it will be you and your spouse you have to deal with. As a matter of fact marriage will expose more of your flaws than fix them.
BLISS: How should singles approach dating today?
D&J: We are living in a changing world and with the invention of social media it becomes even more complicated. I think singles need to understand that dating should be for one reason only: to get information to see if the person of interest fits what you are looking for in a mate. Should you be dating if you are not in a position to marry? Should you date because you have to or because you want to? Do you know how to profile a prospective person of interest? Do you know what you are looking for in a relationship? All of these questions are answered in our latest book: Dating And Courting With Godly Purpose.
BLISS: What is one practical key to building a long-lasting marriage God’s way?
D&J: Marriage is a God Idea, not a man idea. If God did the joining, He is qualified to do the keeping. Keep God first in your marriage. The closer we get to God is the closer we will be with your spouse. I can’t see any couples living out their married vows God’s way and hating and destroying each other.
[bctt tweet=”The closer we get to God is the closer we will be with your spouse.” username=”blissforsingles”]
BLISS: What does Black Love mean to you?
Dauren: Black love means a lot to us. We have two sons, and our desire is for God to allow us to be a great example of what love and marriage are to them. We are often portrayed in movies as single moms and deadbeat dads. Most of the time we are looked at as having a dysfunctional home and that is far from the truth. I have been married for 24 years to a lady that I knew since I was five years old. Black love does exist, and we are honored to be among those who are setting an example for other future black love.
You can follow Dauren and Joan on all social media platform @AfterWeSayIDo. Visit their website AfterWeSayIDo.com for their excellent blog posts and purchase their books.
I love the knowledge you give on the subject “Marriage”