I was recently speaking on a “real-ationships” panel at The Elevation Experience hosted by sister in Christ, Alexandria Norton of I Am Beloved. It was an anointed and beautiful time of inspiration and God’s word for His people in attendance. One of the things that I mentioned in the panel was about this being one of the best times ever to be a single or unmarried person.
Don’t get me wrong, most of us in there wanted to be happily married, but I was speaking that from the perspective of we as a society are starting to understand that we all have baggage and have to do the work that’s required to be the partner we’ve always wanted to be and attract the one we need.
Case in point: the event was the same weekend as news hit about artist and entrepreneur Michelle Williams and her fiancé Chad Johnson have broken off their engagement.
Knowing your self-worth
Michelle shared on the show that she battled with thoughts of not being worthy of having a man like Chad in her life. She feared that he had a fantasy of what he wanted and that she would not be good enough for him.
Michelle also showed that she was overly concerned about other people’s opinions and comments about her. All of her bandmates in the superstar group Destiny’s Child have received public ridicule and scrutiny, and Michelle definitely felt that over the years. Williams was the last in the group to marry and have children, so she has felt what many of us can relate to: feelings of inadequacy and wondering when it will be our turn. But despite the battles she has faced mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, she is resilient in owning who she is.
“It’s just up to me live in the space that I am enough.” –Michelle Williams
“I still remain fearless…I guess I still remain single! Things didn’t work out. The healing that needs to take place is a must! I don’t wanna destroy another relationship. Blessings to him, his family and ministry. #FEARLESS” She shared on Instagram last weekend.
I think Michelle is stronger than what is presented in the media. She is not a weak woman; she is an overcomer of a very difficult spirit of depression and is being used as an advocate of mental health. She has a beautiful and unique personality, and she doesn’t have to be anything other than who she was created to be.
Readiness for the realness of marriage
Marriage requires a lot more work than most who desire it realize. When we get into the realness of what it’s like to do life together when we put it into practice. During their show, Chad Loves Michelle, the couple decided to go to premarital counseling and are encouraged to spend a lot of time together. So Chad uproots from Arizona to stay in Los Angeles to be with Michelle and their life dynamic changes. They don’t live together, but they do more life together, from cooking, cleaning, meeting each other’s families, traveling, which all can reveal new things about each other.
It’s important to note that “Much of their courtship happened long distance, as Johnson was traveling with the Steelers for work,” according to People.com. This is key because the time they had apart to get to know each other changed once the pressure of engagement season was on. They had a chance to discover each other’s personalities and learn each other’s ways of dealing with conflict and childhood trauma. Like Pastor John Gray told them in the most recent episode of Chad Loves Michelle, courtship’s purpose is “not to make you stay together; it’s to see if it will tear you apart.”
Courtship doesn’t always lead to marriage
Their breakup is not the worst thing ever. She didn’t ultimately marry Chad, they don’t have kids together, and they didn’t spend years and years together. She made a somewhat of a clean break and it’s better off this way than later down the road when she or he wasn’t ready or all the way invested. Courtship status does not guarantee that the couple is going to make it to marriage.
I don’t think breakups always involve someone being the bad person and one the innocent person. Sometimes people bond over the wrong things and think it’s God’s will for a romantic relationship, when it all along was something simply a part of each partner’s journey to God’s best.
I’ve been there before in relationships, and while I have never been engaged, I can understand both the heartbreaking feeling of losing a relationship with someone you care about and the relief that it did not progress any further than it should have. Looking back on past opportunities or people you may have connected with, you thank God for the lessons you’ve learned that have made you a better person because you applied the wisdom from that season and decided not to settle, compromise negatively, or lower your standards again.
In the words of another singer who went through a public breakup this year, Ariana Grande, Michelle, Chad and all of us can learn from the lesson through the pain and say “Thank u, next.”
I agree whole-heartedly! I did catch a couple of episodes of Chad Loves Michelle and though they were in battle against her recovery and his expectations, I loved that it showed the truth about what all needs to be communicated, exposed, and explored BEFORE you say I do. Kudos to them for doing the work on the front end instead of hoping it would all “word itself out” after they said “I do.” Great read Tatianah!!
Thanks for reading, Constance!